Found

The Making of Moonwalker: Letters to SEGA

July 8th, 2009

It has been said (in small, unimportant circles) that a man is truly a man when he has been made into memorabilia. By that measure, Michael Jackson was unquestionably a superman and may have bested Superman himself when it came to merchandising. Michael graced everything from lunch boxes to lamp shades, but his master stroke was Moonwalker, a video game made by SEGA back in 1990.

Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker is an action-adventure arcade game that answers a very simple question: What if you were Michael Jackson and you had to dance-fight your way through caverns, streets, and bars to save kidnapped children from ne’er-do-wells?

After careful negotiations with unnamed sources I’ve secured letters written by Jackson’s liason to SEGA as they hashed out details pertaining to Moonwalker’s plot. The letters were found in a long-forgotten folder somewhere in the SEGA vault and it should be noted that names were removed from these documents prior to my review of them. All changes suggested in the letters made it into the final version of the game.

Letter One: Dial Down the Violence

TO: XXXXXXXX, SEGA Corp.

You should know that we truly appreciate your flexibility thus far with this project, and know that Mr. Jackson is very happy with the direction we are moving in.

In keeping with our previous decision to change the first level’s environment from seedy back alley to cavernous mountain, Mr. Jackson would like to further sanitize some of the more violent aspects of his game and suggests replacing the kick-and-punch brawling tactics currently employed with what he has termed “Dance Magic.”

Players should now perform dance moves that spray magic beams at enemies rather than causing them graphic physical harm.

Mr. Jackson is also uninterested in the concept of “rescuing babes” during the course of his adventure. Please replace any instance of babe-rescuing with the freeing of a kidnapped child. He seems very adamant about this complex and emotional metaphor.

Looking forward to the next demo,
XXXXXXXXXXX

Letter Two: Three Kings of Pop?

TO: XXXXXXXX, SEGA Corp.

It goes without saying that Mr. Jackson is intent on creating the kind of arcade experience young adults will remember for years to come. As an avid gamer himself, Mr. Jackson appreciates the efforts and talent of your team and looks forward to playing as himself in a faithful recreation of his vision. But we’re not there yet.

Although we previously discussed allowing a second player to join the fight as Tito or Jermaine, Mr. Jackson has reconsidered and would prefer instead to play as up to three (3) instances of himself. We are specifically requesting a three player arcade cabinet.

All three Michaels must wear the exact same clothing ensemble. This is non-negotiable.

You will obviously need to make color alterations to keep the players from being confused, but imagine the thrill of playing as Michael Jackson with friends who are also playing as Michael Jackson! Now imagine all three Michaels dancing in sync to destroy entire groups of villians at once. Please add this as a special move.

Thank you for your attention to these details,
XXXXXXXXXXXX

Letter Three: Just Add Bubbles

TO: XXXXXXXX, SEGA Corp.

I realize it may be late in the process, but Mr. Jackson has requested a final addition based on a particularly powerful dream he had while taking an afternoon nap.

Mr. Jackson requests the addition of his pet monkey Bubbles as an in-game power-up that will turn Jackson’s character into a robot that can melt enemies with devastating laser beams.

It’s ridiculous on its face, but the man has a proven genius that I have learned not to question.

The end is in sight,
XXXXXXXXXXXX

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